Lack-xercise :(

People are whiney. They’ve always been since time immemorial and are as prevalent as garden weed. Just as people back then complained about horses and manure, people today are no different. “Wah! The lift’s taking FOREVER macha! I could shave and re-shave myself and still it won’t come! If me leh I would have thought th--,” complained a man with arm hair aplenty at the mall near my home.

Acting upon his word I impatiently took the stairs and discovered rather painfully, that fitness, like Rome, wasn’t built in a day. 10 steps up were fine and I gleefully did it. At 30 my muscles started throbbing and my arms flailed about. At 45 my heart collapsed and bled. Well not really but it felt like it did.

Yeah you’re right, I’ve complained about my fitness before, and I’m complaining about complaining people like myself complaining. It’s my way of saying I haven’t been exercising as I’ve resolved myself to do.

Church members recalled my advocacy for healthy living and the essentiality of bodily fitness coupled with mental dexterity. Unbeknownst to them I hardly have the willpower to wake up that early on weekends. Days that I *do* wake up are spent on more important matters ;) (And you, denounce those filthy thoughts now!)

“I would if I could. But I’m not sure if I should,” said Pooh once on the telly with his honey jar in hand. I share his sentiments as one of those who are inflicted with lack-xercise. Casually, I did a quick search online looking for reasons why we shouldn’t exercise. I should anyhow in case my parents badger me about exercising.

The most obvious of these is air pollution. You’re doing more bad than good I say by being nature’s loving air filters each time we breathe.


Rishaad and myself during those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer.

Howstuffworks.com quotes that the average adult inhales and exhales roughly 8 liters of air per minute, amounting to 11,000 liters a day. That’s insane. Our lungs I imagine (without science to back me up) are like soft tissue sponges that air particles love sticking themselves to. Not a pretty thought at all.

Other theorists state how the heart, like a car engine (probability of theorists being men is rather high), has a limited number of beats. In short you’re wearing your heart out the more beats it takes, hence exercising accelerates death. Temptingly logical.

Another states how stopping exercise can have “adverse psychological effects.” Depressive symptoms and mood swings happen when usual exercisers stop their routine for several days. And though it does not reach “clinically significant levels” logic says “Why risk that by exercising horr?”

This last one tops the lot. Someone out there researched that you’d have a “4000% higher risk of being hit by a car or other motor vehicle, if you're out running, runners and walkers were nearly 3 times more likely to be attacked by dogs, 5 times more likely to sprain or break a limb, and nearly 50 times more likely to be struck by lightning. You're even 12 times as likely to be mugged.” Verrrry verrrry logical.

And still, having said all that, I’d rather exercise…those were just reasons I tell myself to feel better about not exercising, which is bad. Good news is that you sometimes needn’t go out of your way to exercise. Things as simple as walking and washing your car can burn calories away (if you haven’t got a car, I do *winks*). A wise man once said, why lift dumbbells when you can work the farm (economic benefits, not bad at all).

Many of you out there though will be happy to know that ‘scientists’ have concluded that uhh… that if you’re punishing the porpoise, shakin' hands with the fat man, clearing the muppet, corralling the spam javelin, choking yourself into emission, choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come, tickling the Elmo, cleaning out your rope, digging for change, wrestling with the one-eyed superhero, or slamming the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater... you’re kinda exercising too.

How convenient.


Leela! Our favourite one-eyed heroine! (picture courtesy of http://www.sf-radio.net/futurama/bilder)

(Disclaimer: I am not in any way abetting the above “methods” of exercises as a medical methodology of maintaining fitness nor do I personally testify to practice them all)

So there.