The Cinema Chatterbox

All battered, bruised, and coughed up, I decided at a whim to catch Spiderman 3 with my brother at the local cinema. It’s been a while since I watched a movie, time has been rather scarce, and I usually take time off to take time off, i.e activities like sleeping or resting, or dozing even.

But I didn’t do any of that while watching Spiderman 3 because frankly, it was pretty decent. Yes, a tad bit emotional, but decent all across the board.

I loved the action, loved Spiderman, liked seeing Eric Foreman from the 70’s Show all suited up as Venom, and admired the cinematography – greeeat stuff.

I liked them all, save for one thing – the audience.

It’s been so long since I last went to the cinema, I forgot all about the little “joys” in theatres!

I ADORE people telling me the storyline and giving me scoops on the character’s background – terribly gracious of them, considering the fact that I don’t know them (“them” refers to this particular couple…yes, there’s two of them).

Better yet, they speak Hokkien to ensure that they are not merely background noises, but background noises with substance.

To put it simply, it’s annoying that they’re noisy, but to actually UNDERSTAND the noise is a humbling experience. Really.

There were random instances like:

1. When Spiderman saves Mary Jane:
Bohboi: Lu kua, Spiderman Lai liao (You look, Spiderman come liao)
Gehgerl: Wah Spiderman pun eh lang Phak Thor ah? (Wah, Spiderman also can dating ah?)

2. When the Sandman makes his appearance:
Gehgerl: Hami lai? (What’s it?)
Bohboi: Ahhh~ cie leh pien Sua Lang liao (Ahhh~ this wan change to Sand-man liao)

3. When the Sandman pummels Spiderman REPEATEDLY:
Bohboi: Aiyoh (pause) Aiyoh (pause) Aiyoh (pause)

The last one was a killer. Every “aiyoh” drowns my already diminished patience.

Now I’m in a dilemma.

Should I tell him to shush up and cheese him off in front of his lady?

Maybe he’ll get the hint? (It proved useless)

I later did the former and insisted that he keeps his vast knowledge of all things Spiderman to himself.

“That took care of business,” I thought to myself while smirking away in the dark.

Then the unimaginable happened.

My brother’s phone rang (while I cringed) during Parker’s more tender moments with Mary. It was so out of place, so sudden, so utterly embarrassing. We were indeed shining examples of a courteous audience.

Lesson of the day, if you want to teach others a lesson in the cinema, make sure your phones are off.